Posts Tagged ‘counseling’

Can your Love Relationship be Saved?

Written by sharon on . Posted in Blog

Couples - trackDoes it feel like you and your partner are competitors instead of allies? Have the small kindnesses vanished from your daily interactions? Are you walking on egg shells for fear of saying something that will cause conflict, anger, or hurt? Do you avoid each other more than seek one another out?

When couples come for counseling because their relationship is in trouble, as a therapist my main goal is to watch for and understand the patterns that inevitably show up in a couple’s interactions, so together we can understand what is going wrong despite their best efforts. It is incredibly helpful to examine arguments because they are never about what they appear to be. That bears repeating: while couples get caught up in the details, the argument is almost never about what it appears to be. There is an important theme playing out as that conflict and BOTH partners are engaged in the dance that fuels it. Identifying the theme is the critical factor.

I believe we are always doing our best in the moment with the tools we have, but many of us didn’t witness healthy relationships in our parents’ interactions, and our awareness and skills need improvement. To be emotionally close to someone as we are in the early days or years of a relationship is a magical thing. To be in conflict with the person who we deeply love causes us immense anxiety, pain, and sadness—so why would we purposely inflict those feelings on ourselves if we knew how to avoid them.

Love relationships are amazing structures that can teach us about what we didn’t get growing up. We need to figure out what that is or we’re destined to seek it, unconsciously, in this relationship, and the next, and the next—usually in ways that leave us feeling alone, misunderstood, and end up sabotaging the partnership.

The First Step

Effective counseling requires that couples come out of their corners in the boxing ring and embrace a new position with regard to the relationship—a united front of honesty, curiosity, and collaboration. Yes, I know … much more difficult than it sounds. That’s why an objective and caring intermediary—pastor, therapist or counselor—can be vital. When couples are trying to fix their problems from a place of fear—which is the source of all conflict—solutions are extremely difficult to recognize. I support clients to identify that fear and investigate it with deep compassion.

“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” ~ Einstein

Top 10 Simple Stress Relievers To Bring You Calm

Written by sharon on . Posted in Blog

 

1. Breathe deeply

 breathe (1)

Deep breathing triggers a relaxation response that lowers heart rate and helps regulate the body

2. Envision a place that brings you peace

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Peaceful images involve all the senses and create inner harmony

3. Make contact with nature

 prink flowers

We can only be in the present moment when we focus on beauty around us – no past or future – only The Now

4. Journal about what you’re feeling or thinking

journaling

Surrendering the energy of troubling emotions or confusing thoughts to paper is freeing

5. Listen to a song that makes you feel happy

 song

Music, as sound, is rooted in vibration which powerfully affects mood

6. Take a nap

 nap

A power nap will boost your memory, thinking, creativity, and energy levels

7. Stretch your body

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Stretching lowers tension and stress and increases energy

8. Drink a glass of water

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Stress is often made worse by dehydration – something we’re not often aware of

9. Walk/exercise

 walk

The brain’s feel-good neurotransmitters are elevated; sleep is enhanced & stress reduced

10. Talk to your pet

 talk to your pet

Just being around a loving animal is shown to decrease stress by lowering blood pressure

 

 

 

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Download this list to keep handy or to print.

Be still and know

Written by sharon on . Posted in inspiration

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“If you are unable to find the truth where you are, where do you expect to find it.” Dogen