While every therapist hopes to support a couple to stay together in a marriage or long-term commitment, sometimes that just isn’t possible. When a couple has resolutely decided the relationship has run its course and they wish to separate or divorce, I am honored to guide them through a “conscious uncoupling.”

This involves a number of therapeutic sessions with the goal of supporting a couple to understand why the relationship was unsuccessful and brought them to this moment. It is an opportunity to help them to separate with kindness, compassion, respect, and often with love.

When children are involved and going to be part of a custody arrangement, the conscious uncoupling process is critical. Therapist and couple work together as collaborators to decide how the partners can best support one another –  and with parents, insodoing, their child or children. Separation and divorce is a time of grief which includes profound emotions – among them, denial, anger, anxiety, depression … and sometimes shame for past behavior.

Couples who can support one another through the process, typically make the transition to being single again in a much healthier way. The process also invites couples to consider what each was lacking in the relationship, both relative to supporting their own needs and that of their partner. This is essential to stop a reenactment of unhealthy behaviors in the next relationship they find themselves in.

I am always amazed how couples can find grace for the other as they move through this work of releasing one another with kindness, even under the most trying circumstances that can include infidelity.

If you have decided to separate and divorce and are interested in moving through the process of conscious uncoupling, I would be privileged to help you through that transition.