If you think trauma or an adverse event is interfering with your choices and what you want for your life, I’m glad you tuned in. Unfortunately, the concept of trauma is widely misunderstood in the general population. This is because most of us think of trauma as some catastrophic event, like falling off a cliff, being a victim of acute physical violence or witnessing a murder (secondary trauma). Yes, these are all events that could very well induce trauma for a participant; however, there is also what therapists often refer to as trauma with a small T. This can be related to adverse events that are often enduring — like a child’s experience of divorce in the family, school bullying, the emotional disconnect of a parent, growing up in an environment where there is constant fighting, criticism, addiction, illness, to name a few. Sadly, many people are oblivious of the long-term effects on adults of this second type of trauma, which can be critically debilitating and result in poor self esteem, lack of boundaries, fear of confrontation, addictive disorders, and much more. A third type of trauma is transgenerational trauma. This is trauma that is believed to have been transferred from the first generation of trauma survivors to the second and further generations through post-traumatic stress disorder mechanisms.

Research by leading experts in the field indicates that the treatment of trauma is more complex than previously thought. No longer are clinicians encouraged to have clients tell “the whole story” since it’s now believed that this may further re-traumatize the individual.

As a clinician who often works with clients suffering from both major and “small” trauma, I’m trained in EMDR—eye movement desensitization reprocessing—a leading recognized protocol to help heal trauma. According to the world health organization, EMDR is based on the idea that negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are the result of unprocessed memories. The treatment involves standardized procedures that include 1) focusing simultaneously on spontaneous associations of traumatic images, thoughts, emotions, and body sensations and 2) bilateral stimulation that is most commonly in the form of repeated eye movements. EMDR aims to reduce subjective distress and strengthen adaptive beliefs related to the traumatic or adverse event without going into detailed descriptions of the event.

In my own EMDR training and in my utilization of the protocol with clients, I’m impressed with the results, and I’m finding most individuals experience good outcomes. Of course, like any intervention, EMDR may be more effective for one person than another and it’s one of several potential approaches to help clients. It’s also imperative to ensure the client has strong skills/resources to stabilize themselves when addressing memories or events that induce a high degree of reactivity. As you might expect, EMDR is frequently used to reduce PTSD symptoms.

For more information: https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/

Sharon Coulter, MA, PPS, MA LMFT

Perhaps you’ve been thinking about therapy for a while but continue to find a reason not to take action:

– your husband, wife, partner won’t like it
– finances are tight
– what will you do with the kids?
– your job is taking everything out of you
– if you just wait, things will probably get better
– it’s too difficult to find a “good” therapist
– you can figure the problem out yourself
– you just don’t have the time–maybe next month, next year, when you finish …..

Sound familiar?

If you have little experience with therapy–or to be exact, psychotherapy–the idea can be scary, even overwhelming, so much so that rather than reach out for help, we can spend years living a life that is far from filled with the happiness and fulfillment we deserve. If our lives are chaotic, the evidence of something wrong is staring us in the face. However, often we have no idea of the cause of our sense of being stuck, sad, anxious or depressed; life may look fine on the outside; but inside we know something is wrong. Poor or absent parenting, trauma, and losses can undermine our ability to establish healthy boundaries for ourselves, set goals for our wellbeing and growth, and enter relationships that nurture us. Instead, we may develop self defeating behaviors that trap us in a never ending cycle that damages our sense of self and inhibits our confidence and ability to attract healthy partners, maintain loving relationships, and parent well.

The truth is that a ‘good” therapist is one that makes you feel comfortable, welcome, and safe to open up to. There are dozens of theories that therapists will draw on and perhaps one or more that they will specialize in, but the truth of the matter is that we sense when we have found the right therapist for that moment in time.  It may take several sessions for us to be able to share very vulnerable parts of ourselves, but usually if we follow our intuition in the first meeting, we know if we’ve found a good fit.

Therapists come in all shapes and sizes. Some are more formal, some more relaxed, more serious or less serious, listening oriented or action oriented, more directive or less directive, give assignments, don’t give assignments. Some therapists will have a fixed approach or style and others will have an eclectic style and adapt their expertise to best fit the client needs or wants. If you talk or meet with a therapist for the first time, you should get a really good feeling and want to go back. If this isn’t the case, don’t worry; call the next one on your list.

Helpful tips when looking for a therapist ….

1.  If you have insurance, call your plan to find out what your mental health benefits cover. Every insurance is different. Establish if you have an HMO or a PPO. Some have deductibles before the insurance will start paying for therapy.

2.  Ask your doctor, other health professionals, or consult community resources (your church or local associations) for referrals to therapists.

3.  On the Web search for therapists in your area or cross-reference referrals you receive to see if there is information about therapists in your area. Many post bios and may have websites.

4.  See how quickly the therapist calls you back. Ideally, you should receive a return call within 24 hours; if it’s longer than that, this may be an indication that the therapist has a heavy client load and may not be the optimal choice.

5.  Does he or she sound warm, friendly, and compassionate?

6.   If utilizing insurance, availability or financial considerations are a deal breaker for you, be up front about your needs or limitations. Better to find out at the start that something will or won’t work. If a therapist does not take your insurance, they may be open to a reduced fee that aligns with your budget.

7.  Keep in mind that good therapists will have your best interests at heart. If they don’t feel they are a fit for your situation or can’t work within your limitations, they will be honest and try to direct you elsewhere.

8.  Keep in mind that therapists have specialty areas such as individual therapy, family therapy, child therapy, working with adolescents, etc.  Don’t’ be shy about asking the therapist to talk about themselves, their experience, strengths and preferences. You are the consumer of their services and this is an investment of your time, energy and money.

Sharon Coulter, MA, PPS, MA LMFT